This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
