you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
