you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
