they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
