I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
