Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
