dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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