I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
