and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
