Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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