Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I party with great urgency now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
