I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
