Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
