After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
