I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
