im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
