Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
