So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
