I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
