google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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