Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
