I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
