i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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