6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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