I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
