you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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