The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
