new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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