my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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