Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
