i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
