evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
