There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
