im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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