Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
