would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
