guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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