Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
