So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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