my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
