Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
