Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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