I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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