im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
third nipple confirmed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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