Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So vagazzling was a success
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
