Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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