apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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