you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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