nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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