stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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