It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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