He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
