I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
